Hilaria Baldwin Says Rust Shooting Case Will Have a Lasting Impact on Her Family: We'll 'Feel and Carry This Pain Forever'

Hilaria Baldwin is sharing how her husband Alec Baldwin's criminal trial impacted their family. 

In the Feb. 23 premiere of their new TLC reality show The Baldwins, Hilaria and Alec have a candid conversation about life after he was charged in the October 2021 shooting death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins on the set of Rust. The episode was filmed 10 days before the July 2024 trial — during which a judge dismissed the charges against the actor — and cameras captured the tension in the Baldwin house.

“The past three years has been a significant chunk of my children's lives,” Hilaria, 41, said in a solo confessional. “Our older ones were much younger, but have had the awareness because of their age to be able to understand what's going on. The youngest three don't know a life without this.”

After she opened up about the struggle of parenting their seven children through “stressful” times, Alec, 66, noted that “everything was so different before this happened.”

“Our lives are very, very different,” the actor said. “Our children have been forced to recognize that. They've been forced to deal with that, with us in their own way.”

Hilaria added: “They've had some really unfortunate realizations about things that are going on. Life will forever be different. Halyna lost her life in the most unthinkable tragedy, a son lost his mom. We are going to feel and carry this pain forever. This will be a part of our family story.”

On Oct. 27, 2021, Alec was holding a prop gun on the New Mexico set of the Western when it discharged, killing Hutchins and injuring writer-director Joel Souza. He was later indicted for involuntary manslaughter and stood trial in July, where the judge dismissed the case with prejudice after Alec’s lawyers argued that the prosecutors withheld evidence. 

Since the incident, Alec has insisted he did not pull the trigger and could not have known there was live ammunition rather than dummy rounds in the gun. 

“This has been just surreal,” Alec told Hilaria during the episode. “I mean, I can't even believe that we're going through this, and I always feel more in pain about you than me, because I think to myself, ‘Well, I'm going to try to my best to just get through it,’ and I think what it's done to you and how much it's hurt you and everything.” 

“This past year was just terrible,” he admitted in his confessional. “There was times I'd lay in bed. I'd go, ‘Wow, my kids. I can't get up.’ That's not like me. I'm not like that at all, not in any way am I like that. Never.’”

Over the past four years, the fitness instructor said Alec’s mental health was declining, revealing that he had been diagnosed with PTSD.

“He says in his darkest moments, ‘If an accident had to have happened this day, why am I still here? Why couldn't have been me?’”

“Honestly, from the bottom of my soul, I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you and these kids going through this — I never would have made it with this,” Alec said. “Sometimes I'd say, ‘Why did I have seven kids? Why do we have seven kids?’ And I realize, to help carry me and you through this situation.”

Still, the couple said they do their best to “put a smile on our face” for the children. 

“When something bad happens, there is a fire, and your job [as a parent] is to try not to let the fire spread,” Hilaria explained, as Alec continued, ”I would do anything for my children. I know this is a cliche but a child should have a childhood. [They] should have a period of time where they don't think about certain things and I’m very nervous about that. You just live one day at a time.”

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The Baldwins premieres on Sunday, Feb. 23 at 10pm E.T. on TLC.