Jinger Duggar Vuolo Recalls 'Jolt' Realization of an Identity Crisis 2 Years Into Her Marriage: 'Who Am I?' (Exclusive)

Jinger Duggar Vuolo is shedding new light on her personal experiences.

While speaking with PEOPLE about her newly-released book, People Pleaser: Breaking Free from the Burden of Imaginary Expectations, the former reality star recalled how she had an identity crisis — and how she overcame it.

"I realized I was so worried about what other people thought about me, that it kind of led me down not the best path in my thoughts. And I thought like, 'Oh, I'm too fat.' Even though I wasn't," Jinger, 31, tells PEOPLE exclusively. "That's where it started. I think when I was a teen. Thankfully, I had awesome people who came around me and helped me out of that struggle of just struggling with an eating disorder."

Jinger notes how that was when she saw her people-pleasing tendencies "first show up, and it just kind of continued" from there. "I think some of it can be temperament because I'm more passive and I really do like to be on everyone's good side or being a peacemaker, which is not always the worst thing," she explains.

"But I think what I saw was throughout my life, that pattern continued. There would be times where I  was like, 'Oh, I really wish I could say something,'" she continues. "Or I wish that I could speak up because somebody would paint me in a [bad] light and I was like, 'That's not who I am.' Or, I want to say something, but I was too afraid to say anything. That really over the years just continued and built up to where I was isolating myself so much. It was really a lonely place to be."

Her realization of just how much things had worsened occurred two years into her now eight-year marriage to husband Jeremy Vuolo, who she wed in November 2016.

"Whenever we were first married, I remember just being afraid of almost everyone. Afraid to trust them," she recalls. "I think some of that is from being in the public eye, right? You have a level of self-protection. But I realized that it went to a very unhealthy place. I was so afraid to go to coffee or go to lunch with someone because I was protecting myself from other people being able to criticize me or to think wrongly of me or to see that, yeah, maybe I was sheltered and I didn't have all the knowledge that they did. I was embarrassed about that."

The mother of two, who is currently expecting her third child, says that feeling "just grew more and more."

"We were a couple of years into marriage, really, when I realized I think that jolt of like, 'Okay, wow, who am I?' I'm living in a clone of who people think I am and who they want me to be and I actually want to see, okay, who is Jinger and what things do I enjoy now? What do I believe about certain topics?"

Admittedly, Jinger says she "was afraid" to talk to her own husband "about things that were bothering me, noting, "I tried to keep up this perfect wife mentality, and a lot of that was from being raised in the system of Bill Gothard (of the Institute in Basic Life Principles)."

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Jinger opens up about this matter in her new book, which was released last month. She uses the medium to explore the cause of her people-pleasing tendencies and the remedy to the problem while sharing personal stories along the way.

Just like in her book, Jinger tells PEOPLE that Jeremy, 37, was of great help in her healing journey, especially when it came to speaking what's on her mind.

"I think he really helped me to grow in that area because [he would say] 'I don't know who Jinger is. I would hear what you're thinking about, what things do you like, what things [do] you not like. Please tell me if I do anything that annoys you. Tell me,'" she shares. "And I was like, 'No, heck no. I'm not doing the perfect wife.' But, he really challenged me just to be myself."

She adds, "That gave me so much freedom to be able to open up and be vulnerable and then, to be able to build genuine relationships where now I have a core group of friends and us moms go out and do fun things."

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People Pleaser: Breaking Free from the Burden of Imaginary Expectations is now available wherever books are sold.